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Redster: 4 years and a half
Babeling: 1 year and a quarter

Redster (plaintively): Mummy, why isn’t this pavement musical?
Babymother: (cannot think of any good reason why council should not install musical pavement and fails to answer)

Babymother: That book’s by Beatrix Potter. She wrote it about a
hundred years ago. She’s dead now.
Redster: Didn’t she have a well-balanced diet?
BM: A what?
Redster: A well-balanced diet.
BM: Did you say a well-balanced diet?
Redster: Yes. A well-balanced diet.
BM: Yes, I thought that’s what you said.

Redster: I don’t want to go swimming ever again in my whole life.
BM: Well, that was your first lesson without me in the pool. It’s all
very new and different.
Redster: No, our nursery school has a swimming pool.
[They have a paved ‘garden’ the size of a picnic blanket. They do not
have a swimming pool.]
BM: Does it now.
Redster: Yes.
BM: I’ve never seen it.
R: That’s because you’re at home.
R: They put it away before you come.

Babymother: So, which school would you like to go to?
Redster: The one with the times table.
Babymother: All schools have times tables… What? Where have you heard
about times tables? [To put this in context, addition is still a new,
exciting concept.]
Redster: I saw a times table at the school we visited.
Babymother: But you don’t know what a times table is. Did babyfather tell you?
Redster: No.
Babymother: Did the seven-year-old-next-door tell you?
Redster: No.
BM: Then how do you know?
Redster: God told me in my head.
Babymother:* thinks*: maybe my child is a divinely inspired genius!

I later discover that babyfather has introduced the terms ‘times table’
and ‘well-balanced diet’ to her when I wasn’t around and she hasn’t
really the foggiest idea what they mean.