Babe: 3 years and 2 months
Babeling: Due yesterday

No, I haven’t had the baby yet, just too busy not giving birth to write my blog.

Ganny is here and babyfather is off work in preparation for what’s not happening, so we’re occupying ourselves with DIY and Christmas decorations. Chilled Mum and the kids were here yesterday to help with our shoebox nativity scene.

The question is, at what point in the Christmas story is our snapshot of the stable? Is it after the birth, in which case should our pipe cleaner Mary be sitting down comfortably, suggesting that she didn’t suffer too much tearing? Or is it during? If so, what position would she be in? Squatting, kneeling, or all fours, surely. The semi-reclined position was apparently invented for the benefit of Victorian obstetricians. Anyway, our Mary assumed her own position by falling off her cardboard hay bale, onto her side with one leg in the air. This too is a good birth position, especially if Joseph can help by holding up the upper leg.

Christmas is all a bit too close to the bone this year. If the woman carrying the Son of God had to unexpectedly deliver her baby in a barn after a frantic and unsuccessful search for somewhere comfy to bed down, what right do I have to not give birth on the A10? Or was the donkey to blame for bringing on the labour? That’s an idea to bear in mind…

We saw the Nativity Story this afternoon. It’s a great film to watch in pregnancy. I confess to crying in places. Mary and Elizabeth’s meeting was really well done, as was Joseph’s dream telling him to go ahead and marry his pregnant fiancée. I was even moved by the birth scene, despite the fact that Joseph whipped out a month-old baby Jesus from under Mary’s unsoiled clothing and held him aloft, all clean and shiny and miraculously free of an umbilical cord. Don’t let that put you off. Go and see it.

I was thinking how appropriate it would be to go into labour during the screening but God seems not to share my views. Everyone I’ve spoken to recently with kids says that all their babies came at the same time in relation to their due dates – Chilled Mum’s were both exactly a week early at 5.30am. The babe was 12 days late, and if the babeling follows suit, that takes us to… the 25th December, of course.