Babe: 2 years and 11 months outside
Babeling: 5 months inside

Just when I thought the pregnancy had given me a bullet-proof immune system (it did last time) I got the mother of all colds. The start of this cold coincided with one of those hormonal surges which causes the babeling to double in size, which is fine, but has the side effect of making me need to either eat or use the loo every twenty minutes, day and night. This had to happen at my aunt and uncle’s last week where I was separated from the kitchen and bathroom by their beautiful wrought-iron spiral staircase.

I ended up abandoning sleep altogether one night and read my uncle’s first aid manual instead. Did you know that if you chance across the victim of a crushing, say by an over-used wrought iron staircase, the first thing you do is ask how long they have been crushed? If it’s less than 10 minutes, you can remove the heavy object. If it’s more, you have to leave it in place, or the toxins that have collected around the damaged tissue will enter the blood stream and kill the victim. I suppose the crucial thing to remember is that if you yourself get crushed you can pass the time waiting for help by trying to guess how many minutes you’ve been pinned to the floor. There’s another disaster scenario to keep me awake at night, along with the one about my car falling into a body of water (have to wind down the windows, let the car fill with water, and then swim out) or encountering a peanut allergy victim whose swollen throat has stopped him breathing (have to use a biro to perform a tracheotomy). Will I remember this crucial information when it’s needed? If I meet a lion in the wild, do I stand up and look it in the eye, or is that bears, or do I run up a tree? Can I go back to sleep now?

I know it’s all practice insomnia for when I have a real reason to be awake half the night, but it would be nicer to build up a bank of peaceful nights instead.